Monday, July 19, 2010

Same old dilemma, same old ME...

  I hate that I'm still stuck here. I still don't know what to do exactly or better yet, what to feel.

  I hate that I can't get you out of my mind every single day, every single hour, every single minute.

  I hate that I am always longing for you, wondering what it feels like to be with you always.

  I hate that whenever I open my eyes every morning, it's you who comes first in my fresh mind and before I close my eyes to sleep, you're always that last thought that enters my mind before drifting to dreamland.

  I hate that I can't text you as much as I want to. I just simply don't know what to say. I don't know what to type. I don't know how to start. And most especially, I don't know what you'll think.

  I hate that whenever I read travel articles on the newspapers, I instantly think of the thought of being with you in that far away place.

  I hate that whenever I open my account, it's you who I want to see - either you send me a message or just write on my wall about anything and I hate that I always fail to see one.

  I hate that whenever I hear love songs may they be happy or sad, I always think of you.

  I hate that even though I know it already, I still can't feel it.

  I hate feeling alone...

  I hate this feeling that I'm alone in this battle.

  I hate the fact that I love you so much.

  And most of all, I hate that everything seems to be IMPOSSIBLE.

 Super bitin!!! Well, honestly, I think kahit gaano pa tayo katagal magkakasama, at the end of the day, it would still feel na bitin ung bonding moments natin!!! :)

 I'm very happy to see Johnnel and Ranjel after YEARS of not seeing them!!!

 Thanks guys for everything! See you soon! :)

Sunday, July 18, 2010


   At last! After such a very looong time, me, Vinci, PRil and Dei had our long overdue reunion – to think that we just live near each other’s houses (except for Deanne)! Hahaha I actually thought that this reunion won’t push through again since when we’re about to meet up, it rained so hard and I was very hesitant to push it through since I’m scared that we might have a bad experience but thanks to Vinci’s encouraging words, we still went with our plans!

   Vinch and I were able to convince April to watch Sex and the City 2 even if she haven’t watched the Sex and the City movie! Hahaha But turns out that she had fun as much as we did! The film has a lot of funny scenes thanks to Samantha minus the sex in it! Hahaha But what made it very special to us was the fact that it made us think on how will we look like when we’re already in our 40s. We know that we’ll still be super duper close (kailangan talaga emphasized!) but it would really be fun to still be able to travel together and talk about how our lives has changed and to reminisce all of our major boo-boo’s together!!!

   I’m also very thankful to Deanne for still being able to come even if she has work till 8PM in Alabang. We ate dinner at Shakey’s while waiting for Deanne and her hubby Leo. We talked a lot about our high school days, just the normal stuff, reminisce what had happened and how stupid we were before. Honestly, this wasn’t what I thought this lakad would turn out to be. I envisioned it as one of our first “young adults gimik” where we can talk about grown-up things, catch up on each other’s lives especially Dei’s and talk about our plans for the future. We weren’t able to do so since we felt very uncomfortable talking about private stuffs in front of Leo.

  As the night ended, we are still very happy to embrace the reality that no matter what happened/happen to us, even if we haven’t been in touch for months, we know that we’ll forever be connected to one another and that we’ll always be there for each other!

   As weird as it sounds, this is the first time that we went to MOA (yung kumpleto kaming apat ha, para lang malinaw)!!! hahahaha

Ever since my childhood days, I’ve always dreamed of making my family happy using my own means. I want to treat them to some fancy restaurants, take them to malls that we’ve never been through, give them a shopping spree and all. I know my parents worked so hard for us to have the life that we have right now. Though we’re not one of the well-off families, we still feel good since we’re in the middle-income earners bracket wherein we get to choose which school we go to – no matter how much it’ll cost, we get to eat in nice restaurants, buy nice clothes and we still do experience some luxuries life has to offer every once in a while. But I just have this dream of giving back to my parents. I’ve seen how much they’ve given up their own happiness just to be able to give ours. And so, when I started working, I made it a point to save up to be able to treat my family.

I’ve already experience watching a movie in 3d and the very first time I did, all I was thinking about was how my family would love to watch a movie in this set-up. So instead of treating them out to dinner, I told my Mom, ”Ma, we’re going to watch Shrek Forever After in IMAX, MY TREAT!” At first, my parents were a bit hesitant and told me that I should just save up the money instead. I told them that I have enough savings for myself and I really save this money for them and that it would also serve as my Despedida (for the-not-so-clear-future). And with that reasoning, they gave in.

I cannot explain the happiness that I felt when I saw how happy my parents were and most especially, my siblings’ smiles are priceless!!! I felt fulfillment upon seeing their reaction and knowing that they had so much fun.

With this kind of experience, I know that I am on the right path to fulfilling that childhood dream of mine – of just simply making my family happy by putting them on top of my priority list! I hope and I pray that the 2nd part of this will soon happen!!!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Seven years and... 

     I don't know what I truly feel for you.  But one thing's for sure, I can't get you out of my mind.  Whenever I hear sad love songs, whenever I stare blankly, whenever I daydream, whenever I watch movies or even TV series that has a romantic or sad love storyline and even before I go to sleep, I think of you. I remember you. I long for you. I want to be with you. And that explains the random texts that you receive from me.  I don't know why you have this big effect on me.  I admit, I cried and I'm still crying because of you.  God knows how hard I've tried and have been trying to finally erase every thought of you in my mind.  But whenever I think I've finally moved on, it's either I'll receive a text from you or worse, I'll see you.  I guess I should just accept the fact that it is impossible for me to forget you. Who am I kidding? We have the same set of friends who we consider as our second family and I'm not going to risk it just so I can forget you. Damn it! It has been seven years and I'm still circling around this emotional roller coaster that's very hard to bear.  Whenever I think of you and those special and very rare moments that we've shared, I have a hard time breathing. It's as if I'm carrying this huge weight on my chest.  It seems as if my chest wants to explode and it's so hard to always feel this. What's even worse is the fact that I'm with someone else who dearly loves me. There's no problem with the relationship that we have now because we were already able to fix things. But I can't stop thinking about you. I'm hurt and I feel guilty at the same time. I don't know why in the world will I still think of you even if I'm already happy and in love with someone else. At this point of our relationship, every girl would much probably be so happy, fulfilled and very much content that she won't wish for anything more but just to have him in her life forever. Other girls might envy the kind of relationship and the kind of man that I'm with but why can't I get you out of my life?  Sometimes I think, why even bother? I don't really know what you feel for me. I don't know if you also think of me in the same way I'm thinking of you. I don't know why you can't fight for me. You always say that I was, I am and I'll always be special to you but why can't you make me see or even feel it? Why do you always have a reason not to fight for me? Why do you always have a reason not to love me? Before, I thought and I even blame time for not letting us be together. I thought that maybe it's not the right time for us to finally be happy together, that we just need to wait a little longer, be more patient for our time will soon come and when it does, we'll be very much happy that we waited this long. But now, I finally realized that it's not the time that I should blame for this. Months ago, I thought that we finally have the time to be in each other's arms, but something happened and turns out that I am wrong. I've realized that we might not be in the same state.  I've realized that time is really not our enemy but it's the reasons that you always have.  I guess that this burden will be forever carried by me.   But I promise that I won't let this burden affect the happiness of the people around me. I promise that I'll still manage to smile, to laugh and to be happy while carrying this burden. I started this entry with a question. A question that I have always been asking myself for the past seven years. A question which I definitely know the answer but I'm just too scared to admit it even to myself.  Now, the real question that I have is Why am I feeling this?
Dear John Movie Poster by moviegoodsposters.

     Just watched this splendid and very romantic movie. I know it has been months since this film was released but I'm glad that I finally found the time to enjoy every line that was uttered by the main cast especially Savannah.  My boyfriend asked me to watch this film since it has something to do with a long-distance relationship that in a matter of days, we'll both be facing. It tackles on how John and Savannah endured their distance, how they kept the communication lines open no matter how hard it was since John is in the army and he can't tell Savannah where in the world he truly is and the only way that they can communicate is through mail - the old fashioned way. I know that in our soon to be situation, it would be much easier since we can use the net, we can just email each other, send FB messages daily and send text messages or even call as often and as much as our budgets can permit us.  Easy as it may sound but I know that it would not and it would never be easy for the two of us. We were used to talking on the phone at least 30 minutes everyday. We were used to seeing each other every weekend and sometimes almost everyday.  In just a matter of days, we need to get used of not seeing each other for a long, long time, and this means months or even a year of not being in each other's arms. We should get used to not hearing each other's voices for several days or even weeks. No one said it's gonna be easy but I know that with prayers, trust and our love for each other, we'll both be able to endure this pain and the sadness that our situation will be giving us. I know that if we're truly destined for each other, God will find a way on how to make our faith in Him and in our love be stronger for us not to part ways. If we're meant to be, nothing can break us apart.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


April 22, 2010

Last Thursday, Dadhie and I were supposed to drive all the way to Pallas Athena to go on a driving lesson again. I was also supposed to go to Deanne’s house to return the black skirt and white t-shirt that I borrowed.  But unfortunately, we have to change our plans on the last minute since we can’t use our car.  My Dad used it to pick up our Tito Jun and Tita Evelyn in the airport.  It had been months since the last time that we watched a movie in the theatre house so, we’ve decided to watch Clash of the Titans. This actually was the first time that we’ve agreed on what movie to watch since I’m very up for romantic chick flicks or Tagalog movies and he’s very much into action and suspense movies. Well, don’t get me wrong, I also love action and suspense movies but I just watch them at home most of the time. I’m very much excited to watch this movie since I LOOVE GREEK MYTHOLOGY! This brings back memories way back in highschool.  My favorite teacher back then was Ms. Diokno, she’s our English teacher during 4th year (if I remember it clearly) and our topic was about the different mythologies.  My favorite was the Greek Mythology.  I was very, very interested listening to Ma’am Diokno’s stories. She really has a knack for telling stories, it was as if she lived during those times and was really able to witness the God’s ways and battles. I suddenly remembered my black Mythology book. I’ve misplaced that and I badly want to find one or buy a new one if possible!

            Back to the movie.

Well, I must say that I was really disappointed with the movie. I think the fight scenes were not that good and it seemed to be very predictable. I might be expecting too much but I wasn’t really that excited with Persues’ journey and my heart didn’t stopped during the highlight of the movie. Haay…
Well the good thing about the movie were the two girls. Princess Andromeda played by Alexa Davalos and Io played by Gemma Arterton. These two girls are very beautiful and stunning! They really possess this Grecian beauty which was very fit for their roles.  Honestly, I was more interested and excited to see these two girls than seeing Persues played by Sam Worthington! Hahaha